Who are you here for?

Something wasn't right, it hadn't been right all trade. Slink offered to help lead people to boot hill, a place I had personally avoided since my coming to town, but on this night, I agreed to accompany. Grabbing Rue's hand, I told myself I was going to be supportive of those who had lost others. Walking down the trail we heard the quiet rustling of leaves and eventually saw the lights of Boot Hill. The quiet lent a peace to my mind I hadn't felt in a long time, and the lights were a beauty I didn't understand how to behold, floating in the trees, glowing blue orbs surrounded us. Rue pulled me back and we began to walk back to town.

Ghosts would come, we had heard. And they did. The mourners cried after their loved ones so loudly, and Rue tightened her grip on my hand, they were a mass, following like a parade of sadness. As our small group split between them, Rue and I tagged onto the end. "I am only going to investigate, the gravemind is an interesting curiosity, I told myself."

"This is selfish, never do this for me." I heard Rue say beside me. 

"What?"

"It is selfish. Never come to this place crying for me if I die. Let me go. Listen to these people crying, they cry for themselves, for their own comfort, it is selfish. Never come here for me. Promise me."

"Probably...I won't" 

Rue was my only friend, could I make that promise? I mean, this outpouring of sadness made me uncomfortable, I did not know how to have these emotions these people were expressing around me. 

As we walked into Boot Hill I allowed the morbid beauty of the situation to overtake me, the mourners and ghosts swirled about, cries so loud I could no longer hear nature and the glowing orbs floating through the trees.

I could hear the mourners and ghosts alike, I did not know who was who... I hadn't been here long enough to tell. I clustered next to Xero, if anything, he would keep me safe if anything were to happen. 

I waited... I don't know what I was waiting for but I saw friend after friend find lost lover, child, friend. Lil ran crying to someone, and Xero grabbed my shoulder before I could comfort her, "No, its personal" He says, and I let it go, but watch her intently, such emotion! I hear someone crying for a lost son, "Timothy!"

Why am I still here? Why am I drawn to this place? Why did I NEED to come here?

"Who are you here for?' The blue man is on my shoulder, asking me.

"I...I don't think..."

"Who are you here for?"

"I lost an infant child, but she could not come out here."

"Speak her name. Call it out." He nudged me forward, pushing me out of my protective circle, I gripped Rue harder.

"Loess..." It was practically a murmur. I couldn't bring myself to be louder.

"Louder, who was she to you?"

"Loess" bolder this time. "My daughter.... are you in there?"

"More, tell more, how old was she"

"She was a baby...there is no way I can see her again..."

"What do you remember about her?

"So little." I was shaking, was this really happening? Could I see her again?

"She was so little... blue eyes..." I called out again "Loess, my baby, are you there, my daughter?"

And then it happened, I felt faint and I do not honestly remember if Rue's hand was still in mine, the world swirled around me and all I saw was her. As beautiful as I could have imagined and remembered, my baby, grown into a woman. I could feel the push behind me to step forward, and with every bone warning against it and trembling, and every instinct telling me to run, I stepped forward. 

"Mom, I grew up."

I never thought I would hear anyone call me mom, not after I lost her, and tears began to fall. "My baby is that you? Is that really you?"

"yes"

"Does it hurt?"

"No mother, I am fine."

I cried so hard, I could hear people calling at me to go and I couldn't care, I just wanted to hold her hands and hug her forever. Rue was patiently beside me, not saying a word.

"You are safe, you are fine?"

"Yes mother, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

And with that, I hugged her and it was everything I hoped. I cried and heard the coaxing and calls of people urging me to leave. "Be safe, my Loess, my sweet girl" Tears were falling like I didn't know they could, I did not understand how to process this, how to feel this, and yet, here it was. 

At the urging of all others, I allowed myself to be pulled away, back out to the road, and walked silently back to town. Tears streaming, and fell into a bottle of hooch for the rest of the night.

-Silk-